“fuck apple” is not a new utterance for someone like me. I’m just screaming it louder. please apple users, stop it. get yourself a real device. get out of the walled kingdom of hell.
it’s not about safety. it’s about control.
age verification is the obvious one. show your ID to read a forum. show your face to a webcam to watch a video. for the children. always for the children.
what nobody talks about is that the same logic, the same shape of demand, runs all the way up the stack. it’s not just porn sites and chat rooms. it’s anywhere there’s a gatekeeper between you and a thing you want to make or do.
by nature, the internet is a decentralized collection of nodes (connected by TUBES!) yet with every dependency on corporations like apple we fall deeper into the hands of petty tyrants.
I tried to put a company name on the seller line of an app store listing instead of my legal name. that’s the whole story. swap a string. that one decision has turned into a months-long pile of compliance, KYC, biometric scans, notarized letters, and waiting.
the things they wanted
a partial list:
- driver’s license, front and back
- a video of my face turning side to side, recorded for an AI agent so a phone provider could decide if I was a real human
- a notarized statement that I, the sole owner of a company I formed for myself, am authorized to act on behalf of myself
- the articles of organization, the operating agreement, the resolutions, the EIN, the credit identifier, the verified phone, the work email at the right domain
- a website “with sufficient content” — at the discretion of an unnamed reviewer
all of this in the name of “verifying” me. all of this from companies that loudly market themselves as guardians of privacy.
who I am vs who they are
every email back has a first name. no last name. no employee number. no title. no direct line. no manager. no escalation path. when I ask for an ETA I get a template. when I push back I get the same template again, possibly from a different first name.
I send my driver’s license. they send “Elizabeth.” I send my real address. they send “Developer Support.” I send a video of my face. they don’t even send a last initial.
a faceless company demanding maximum identification from the person they’re gatekeeping. that’s the shape. that’s always the shape.
the small stuff that tells you everything
their payment system doesn’t send a receipt. so when the page hung the first time, I paid again. they gladly took the money twice. it took over a month of emails to get half of it back.
a company that polishes the keyboard latency on a device for ten years cannot be bothered to send a payment confirmation email. why? because that small failure costs me, not them. the asymmetry is the product.
I’m actively resisting pointing out that apple also programs obsolescence into all of their over-priced, slave-labor derived products… this utterance is enough. now go buy a new macbook so you can get security updates again.
as per my last email
I have written so many polite, structured, “happy to provide additional documentation” replies in the last month that I’ve started to lose feeling in my hands. I have layered carefully reasoned bullet lists at faceless reviewers who can apparently override every published guideline based on whether they personally feel a homepage is busy enough.
I formed a legal entity to keep my real name out of public listings. it shouldn’t take a month. it shouldn’t take a face video. it shouldn’t take a notarized letter swearing I’m allowed to do business as the company I myself created.
it isn’t about safety. it isn’t about privacy. it’s about whether the gatekeeper is in the mood to let you through today.
the published rules are scenery. five clear bullet points on a help page, every single one of which my submission satisfies. then a faceless reviewer reads them, decides the homepage feels light, and the published rules dissolve. there is no rule that says “must feel substantial to Mark.” but Mark is the rule. Mark is always the rule.
this is the part I want people to understand. it’s not that the requirements are too strict. it’s that there are no requirements. there’s a posted checklist for show, and a private mood that actually decides. you can do everything on the public list and still get told to start over because someone, somewhere, with a first name, felt like it.
a year ago this same submission with this same paperwork might have sailed through. tomorrow it might. today it didn’t. that’s not a process. that’s weather. and weather is exactly what arbitrary power looks like when it dresses up.
and the worst part isn’t even cruelty. it’s indifference. the reviewers don’t hate me. they don’t think about me at all. they’re just clicking through a queue, and somewhere in that queue my month of life evaporated because someone needed to feel useful.
complete timeline of emails with small redactions
case numbers and enrollment IDs partially redacted. personal contact info stripped. names left as is.
04/08/2026 — submitted my conversion request via the developer contact form. case # 1028xxxxxx.
04/14/2026 — first reply from Apple, six days later:
Hello manton,
Thank you for contacting Developer Support. My name is Elizabeth, I am more than happy to help you with migrating your Individual to an Organization Program.
First of all, I would like to apologize for the delay in replying to your query. This is certainly not the customary wait time for a reply from Developer Support. We have been experiencing higher than expected volumes, and your patience is greatly appreciated.
Upon further investigation, I found that We can start the migration of your individual membership to an organization membership at any time. First, review the following important information:
- Your Apple Developer Program Apple Account must have two-factor authentication turned on.
- A valid organization website is required. Your organization’s website must be publicly available and the domain name must be associated with your organization.
- The Certificates, Identifiers & Profiles portal is unavailable during the migration process.
- After the migration is complete, your legal entity name is applied to all apps that you distribute on the App Store.
- Sales and Trends reports for the individual membership won’t be available after the migration is complete.
- If you distribute paid apps or apps with in-app purchases, earnings made before the migration completes are sent to the bank account that was active when the migration started.
When you’re ready to start the migration, or if you have any questions, please respond to this email.
I replied confirming the prerequisites were met. they sent the enrollment link.
04/15/2026 — submitted the enrollment form. enrollment ID N66xxxxxx. confirmation email said:
Your enrollment is being processed.
Once we verify your authority to sign legal agreements, we’ll email you with instructions on how to complete your enrollment.
04/15/2026 — same day, a different reply from Elizabeth:
You should have received a system-generated email with a link to enroll your company in our program. Keep in mind that you won’t have access to the Certificates, Identifiers & Profiles portal until the migration is complete.
After you submit your company enrollment information, we’ll contact you with the next steps.
iOS builds blocked from this point forward. cannot generate certificates or push updates to existing apps.
04/20/2026 — five days later, new case opened (case # 1028xxxxxx). request for documents:
Please provide a copy of the following documents so we can continue processing your enrollment:
- Applicant’s government-issued photo ID
- Applicant’s employment verification
One of the following business documents:
- Articles of Incorporation
- Business license
- Certificate of Formation
- Charter documents
- Partnership papers (must be notarized)
- Reseller or vendor license
- Operating Agreement
uploaded driver’s license front and back, signed authorization letter, articles of organization, operating agreement, and initial resolutions to their secure portal that same day. replied confirming submission.
04/22/2026 — two days later, a templated reply:
Hello manton,
Thank you.
I can confirm that all of the requested documentation has been received and will be reviewed by the designated team. They will contact you directly if any further information is required for the enrollment review process.
We appreciate your continued patience as we hope to welcome you to our Apple Developer Program. Thank you kindly.
note: I have been a paying member of the Apple Developer Program for years. they hope to welcome me.
04/22/2026 → 04/29/2026 — silence. seven days. no contact from “the designated team.” no ETA. no acknowledgment.
04/29/2026 — finally a response. not from Elizabeth. from a new first-name-only rep, Mark:
Your organization’s website must be publicly available, functional, and its domain name must be associated with your organization. We won’t accept links to social media webpages or websites that contain minimal content or display a message from a domain registrar.
Please resubmit your enrollment and include a valid company website.
three weeks of waiting. one verdict: start over.
the website is publicly available. it is functional. its domain name is associated with the organization. it is not a social media page. it is not a domain registrar parking message. by the published rules, it qualifies. by Mark’s judgment, it does not. there is no further explanation.
04/29/2026 — replied politely, asked the reviewing team to re-evaluate the (now-expanded) site before forcing a full resubmission. no response yet.
I’ll update this when the migration finally completes. or when I give up. whichever comes first.
fuck. apple.